A guide to what we’re barely putting up with this week.
The return of Battlebots. It’s a scientific (read: not scientific) fact that summer makes people stupid, so that’s why you’re smiling so much at a show that could be called Adults Playing With Toys.
Wendy’s FruiTea Chillers. It’s artificially flavored summer in a glass!
CBS’ silly revenge-of-the-animals series, Zoo. It’s kind of like The Birds, but without the suspense, the drama, or a coherent plot.
Dispatches from Comic-Con. It’s the world’s largest convention of adults who actually care about seeing footage from the new Star Wars an hour before it’s released to the general public online.
Barbie, vlogger. “What 56-year-old doll best known for her permanent tippy-toes doesn’t have a YouTube channel these days, right, kids?” Barbie yells, desperately, into the internet.
The beyond pointless professional athlete awards show, the ESPYs. It combines the excitement of opening an envelope with the thrill of a post-game press conference! Which sports figure who literally wins for a living will win a superfluous trophy?
The Miss USA pageant airing on Reelz. If there’s a parade of women Donald Trump deems attractive, but it airs on Reelz, does it make a sound? (Besides, of course, “ugh.”)