Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

This week we’re barely putting up with holiday gift guides

A guide to what we’re barely putting up with this week.

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Beyond The Lights. On the surface, the story of an unhappy pop star falling for a cop seems like it could be the video for Britney Spears’ “Lucky” stretched to fill 90 minutes. But Beyond The Lights goes deep and finds the deft drama beneath the pop veneer.

Shutterfly’s super creepy “Mail Myself To You” commercial. The only thing weirder than having a picture of your child’s head on a throw pillow or tote bag is seeing that picture come to life and sing to you. Great gift idea, Shutterfly.

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The inexplicable Christmas At Downton Abbey album. Because when you think “holiday cheer” you think “desolate English estate full of melodrama.” Track 10 is just Lady Mary sighing disappointedly while Lady Edith rings some jingle bells.

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The blue bubbly liqueur no one was waiting for, Hpnotiq Sparkle. It’s like drinking a glamorous version of Windex.

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Discovery Channel’s Eaten Alive, a.k.a. Watch This Guy Get Swallowed By A Snake. This is what happens when millions of people watch a blindfolded born-again walk a tightrope between two skyscrapers: more sideshow TV!

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Barbara Walters’ annual public reminder that she’d still like to be relevant, Barbara Walters Presents: The 10 Most Fascinating People Of 2014. Taylor Swift and Oprah are on the list this year, so, yeah. Barbara is very slow to fascinate.

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The overabundance of holiday gift guides. There are only so many slippers, special edition DVDs, candles, initial necklaces, and Beats By Dre products to recommend in existence. Not every website, magazine, newspaper, and talk show has to put out a list of them.

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