A guide to what we’re barely putting up with this week.

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It Follows. A thoroughly creepy horror movie where the paranormal activity (thankfully) isn’t confined to shaky cameras and found footage.

The latest YA dystopia, Insurgent. There comes a time in every teenager’s life when they have to decide which kind of sci-fi Matrix-esque hellscape they want to pretend to be a part of.

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Miranda Lambert’s musical ballad for Ram trucks. Try as she might, Miranda Lambert couldn’t squeeze the words “optional gun rack” and “towing capabilities” into that gentle song about, presumably, owning a truck.

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Mountain Dew’s new “natural” soda, DEWshine. A clean, refreshing, artisanal soda for when you want the taste of Mountain Dew without the unsightly green tongue.

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MTV’s thoroughly unnecessary Teen Mom reboot, Teen Mom OG. Once the moms are no longer teens, shouldn’t Teen Mom, you know, leave them alone?

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Dispatches from South By Southwest. The best part about music and arts festivals is that they happen in deserts, swamps, and bat caves far, far away from civilization, so we don’t have to hear about what has “buzz.”

Limited edition Cadbury Creme Egg Cookies. Sure. Because sometimes when you’re eating a cookie, you want to pretend you’re eating a raw egg.

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