Block & Tackle is John Teti’s column about pro football.
I have to kick off today’s abbreviated column with a personal note: I screwed up my back pretty bad earlier this week, and it’s still painful to be at the computer for more than a few minutes at a time. Don’t worry, it’s just normal old-man stuff, and I’ll be shipshape next week. For today, however, I have to punt—this despite my well-documented aversion to punting. Here is what I have for you: a few goofy quarterback GIFs I made after watching Sunday Night Football, the weekly picks, and my undying affection. See you next week.
Here is New England quarterback Tom Brady chasing away a tropical fish who is taunting him:
Brady will need that anti-aquatic rage when he faces the Dolphins on Sunday. Here is Philip Rivers doing his best “would you PLEASE” face, and a very good face it is indeed:
And here is Cam Newton thinking about football:
Newton was in a car accident this week that caused two relatively minor fractures in his lower back, to the extent that any fractures of the back can be considered “minor.” He’s expected to return by the end of the season, but he’ll miss at least this week’s game (against Tampa Bay). What I’m saying here is that Cam Newton and I are pretty much the same person.
Because the flu shots given to Block & Tackle support staff were less effective than forecast, the winners and losers in the following predictions from last Friday’s column were erroneously transposed: Dallas vs. Chicago, Baltimore vs. Miami, Carolina vs. New Orleans, San Francisco vs. Oakland, and Seattle vs. Philadelphia. We regret the errors and are grateful for the opportunity to correct the record.
Here are Block & Tackle’s final score predictions for the Week 15 slate. All Block & Tackle predictions are guaranteed to be correct.
Arizona Cardinals vs. St. Louis Rams (last night, 8:25 p.m., NFL Network): Arizona 17, St. Louis 14.
Washington vs. New York Giants (Sunday, 1 p.m., Fox): New York 20, Washington 13. It is enjoyable to watch NFC East teams play meaningless games.
Cincinnati Bengals vs. Cleveland Browns (Sunday, 1 p.m., Fox): Cincinnati 21, Cleveland 10. After Cincinnati head coach Marvin Lewis referred to 6-foot-tall Cleveland quarterback Johnny Manziel as a “midget” on Monday (and apologized for the remark shortly thereafter), the Cleveland Fox affiliate sent a little person from their staff to ask questions at Lewis’ Wednesday press conference. Well played.
Green Bay Packers vs. Buffalo Bills (Sunday, 1 p.m., Fox): Green Bay 23, Buffalo 9.
Tampa Bay Buccaneers vs. Carolina Panthers (Sunday, 1 p.m., Fox): Carolina 16, Tampa Bay 8. After defeating the Saints last week, Carolina’s record stands at 4-8-1, only a half game out of first place in the lose-tastic NFC South.
Oakland Raiders vs. Kansas City Chiefs (Sunday, 1 p.m., CBS): Kansas City 28, Oakland 13. Kansas City running back De’Anthony Thomas has a wide selection of butts to choose from.
Miami Dolphins vs. New England Patriots (Sunday, 1 p.m., CBS): New England 38, Miami 16.
Houston Texans vs. Indianapolis Colts (Sunday, 1 p.m., CBS): Indianapolis 23, Houston 20.
Jacksonville Jaguars vs. Baltimore Ravens (Sunday, 1 p.m., CBS): Baltimore 20, Jacksonville 3.
Pittsburgh Steelers vs. Atlanta Falcons (Sunday, 1 p.m., CBS): Atlanta 24, Pittsburgh 21. Atlanta Falcons punter Matt Bosher is here to help with all your air travel needs.
Denver Broncos vs. San Diego Chargers (Sunday, 4:05 p.m., CBS): Denver 35, San Diego 27.
New York Jets vs. Tennessee Titans (Sunday, 4:05 p.m., CBS): Tennessee 3, New York 2.
San Francisco 49ers vs. Seattle Seahawks (Sunday, 4:25 p.m., Fox): Seattle 23, San Francisco 14. The San Francisco organization has been hampered by infighting between team executives, who believe that Levi’s pants should be referred to as “denims,” and head coach Jim Harbaugh, who insists on “dungarees.”
Minnesota Vikings vs. Detroit Lions (Sunday, 4:25 p.m., Fox): Detroit 20, Minnesota 19.
Dallas Cowboys vs. Philadelphia Eagles (Sunday, 8:30 p.m., NBC): Dallas 30, Philadelphia 28.
New Orleans Saints vs. Chicago Bears (Monday, 8:30 p.m., ESPN): Chicago 14, New Orleans 10.
B&T prediction record last week: 16-0
B&T prediction record for 2014 season: 208-0
Infuriating corrections made: 73